Round Two...Still Growing
When your world shatters, what do you do? What is your first response? Do you curl up in a ball and hope it all goes away? Or do you pull up your big girl pants and keep going? This trial brought me to my knees, and that is where I needed to be.
Eventually, Jamie felt better. He finally ditched his oxygen—and it was just in time; he had a significant medical test scheduled for the following day. We anxiously awaited this visit and were relieved he could make it. Jamie had a bump on his neck, and unfortunately, despite multiple doctor, dentist, and scan appointments for over a year, we still had no explanation. We hoped this would bring us the clarity we needed, but the result was not what we wanted.
I remember this moment like it was yesterday. I was in the kitchen. I can still hear the chatter and buzzing about. Jamie came around the corner, waving his phone, "Shawna, come here. It's Dr. Munger."
I paused for a moment. It just took me some time to process what Jamie had muttered. Puzzled, I followed him into the office and closed the door. I heard a voice, "James, this is Dr. Munger, and we have your biopsy results. They show Squamous Cell Carcinoma." And in an instant, everything went quiet.
Cancer! It couldn't be. Why did it take over a year to figure this out? I took a deep breath and replied, " Do you know what type of cancer this is?
"Possibly skin or lung cancer." he quietly stated.
I turned, and my eyes met Jamie's; they were filling with tears, and he mouthed, "I am going to die." My heart broke. Sheer terror and panic washed over my resolute husband. It was like I was looking into the eyes of a frightened young boy. At that moment, everything in me said I needed to be strong. I could not be hysterical or fearful; there was no place for that. I needed to be unshakable for him. I could tell he was falling apart, and my duty was to uphold him.
One thing I learned from our recent battle with COVID-19 was that we needed to let people help. We needed prayer. And on my knees is where I would find my strength.
August 30, 2021, will forever be a day that changed the trajectory of our lives. It was the day we received the news no one ever wanted to hear—the news that would dictate every minute of the following three months. I recalled what the Lord showed me in Psalm 139; He knew what was happening. He was not surprised or caught off guard by this diagnosis; we were. Jesus was not going to desert me. He would not leave me there alone. He was there in the pit with me. And with Christ, we would endure. This time of suffering was yet another opportunity for my faith to grow.