The Longest Week Ever…
Cancer. Ugh! What an awful word. I never knew how devastating one word could be until that day. Our whole world flipped upside down and inside out in one brief phone call. The life we had "planned" certainly did not include this. Vacations, house renovations, and business prospects were the things we were dreaming about, and cancer did not fit into this plan. What do you do when you receive ruinous news? I would love to tell you that my response was to pray and seek God, but it was not. I fell apart inside, but I could not let anyone see it. Especially now, we had to tell the kids.
The last thing the doctor said before we hung up was, "Things are going to move very fast." In our minds, we would receive a phone call with more information and doctor appointments as soon as possible. But that was not the case. Our call came just before a holiday, so we had more of a hurry-up-and-wait scenario. You can only imagine the intrusive thoughts that riddled our minds. How do we do this? Will he need chemo? Will he die? What will I do if he dies? For those of you who don't know me personally (yet :), you need to know that I have a toxic trait of always leaping to the worst-case scenario thanks to developmental trauma, but we will discuss that another day. Catastrophizing a situation is my superpower; that is what I did with this news.
After a few baffling days filled with confusion, uncertainty, and worry, I had my first Ah-Ha moment. I would love to tell you I came to this alone or by direct interaction with the Lord, but that was not the case. Sometimes, we just need a friend who will shoot us straight—one who will slap the dumb right out of you, figuratively, of course. And thank God that is precisely the friend I had. Unfortunately, my friend had her cancer journey about six years earlier, so I thought it was only fitting to ask her for some advice. Her advice was not what I had anticipated. I was expecting some doctor's names. Some books to read. Some supplements to take. What she gave me was more favorable than I could have ever hoped for; she gave me a new perspective. A perspective that grounded me and set me on the right path to run this race before me. And for that, I will be forever grateful.
"It is hard watching someone you love when there is nothing you can do to help. BUT GOD has a plan, and you don't know the scope of anything, so don't bury him yet!" And it was these following few words that would change my heart forever. " Remember, the world is watching, and these are the times we need to show we have peace and hope in our Heavenly Father. Let them ask where your peace comes from."
“Remember, the world is watching, and these are the times we need to show we have peace and hope in our Heavenly Father. Let them ask where your peace comes from.”
From that moment on, I had a new mission. It was more than surviving this trial and healing; it was sharing my hope in Christ with everyone I encountered. Doctor's offices, hospitals, and surgery centers became my mission field. The only question that was left was how I would represent my Jesus.
Now, before you fall into the disillusion that I am a super strong and unwavering Christian woman, let me stop you; I definitely had my moments that were less than peaceful. But even in those moments, it was my friend's words that whispered in my heart, "The world is watching; let them ask where your peace comes from." These words would become my anchor, the place I would return to when I wanted to climb under a rock and hide. This season was not about me; I would allow God to use it for His glory. Let the journey begin. I guess. I mean, Yes! Let's do this!